From 2011 to 2012

As I look back the year gone by, I don't see any idea of making promises about being/doing better during the next one.. Since my year has been fulfilled with laughter, there has been happy and sad tears, I've gotten new friends, old friends, GREAT friends. And lost a few not so great ones. There's been love, there's been hate, disappointments and overcoming difficulties, little surprises that bring a smile to a persons face.. Plenty of gigs, loads of music. Some things have changed and some stayed the same. It's called life. It's my life. And I love it!!


HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF MY DEAREST AND NEAREST!! And the rest of you too.

Sleep treatment

Less stressed. Less smoking. Body and mind at ease.

Sleeping together made the difference.

And I mean just sleeping.

And I crave for more.

More sleeping.

Please..

:)

You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain

It's Monday night. And I've been smiling through this whole day. Had just a perfect weekend. Been laughing so much, so hard that my cheeks and my stomach are sore. But it's a good hurt. Saw two gigs, one on Friday and one on Saturday. And the man of my life, my nephew, visited me on Sunday.

But beginning from the start. I got a message from a friend I learned to know a bit better a week ago when on Rival Sons' gig. I was somewhat surprised to get that message but in a positive way. I had such fun with him on the RS gig that it was nice to see that he had similar thoughts about our friendship. So I invited him to my place on Friday and we had a few drinks, talked A LOT and then took out to the night time. We met our friend in the bar and watched the gig, continued talking about everything and between before Mr Charming continued to another bar, alone. I stayed in the first bar since I had some friends there I hadn't seen for ages but my phone kept constantly sending and reseiving messages from Mr Charming. His night didn't seem to go as planned and finally we ended up taking the same bus home. We continued the night at his place, listening to music and talking and talking and talking until we both fell asleep on the couch. I woke up few hours later, shook him awake and told him to get to bed as I left and started walking home, 9.30 in the morning. I got nothing noteful done on Saturday.

Until it came Saturday night and time to get out on a gig again. Met close friends, had a great time and the gig itself was amazing. Kept laughing although my stomach was hurting already from doing it. Continued to another place again, had a coke and once again headed home with the last bus of the night with Mr Charming. This time my place, more music and talking. 5am he headed home and I slept about four hours before my nephew came with his mom to visit me. Already the bus trip to city was exciting for the little guy, his first time in a bus. :) We looked through some christmas decorations in the windows (Penguins!!! :)), and we met Santa Claus as well. Santa made the little hero act a bit shy but with the help of his mom they told Santa that he's hoping for some Lightning McQueen toys for christmas. Spent some quality time with him while his mom went to Ikea. We had a quick snack and then they headed home, the small trooper fell asleep as soon as he got into the car. But at least he had lots to tell dad, Santa seemed to be one of the top things. :)

I'm really feeling lucky.. lucky to have the best people as a part of my life.

Music maniac

I had an interesting exchange of thoughts about music last night. And it got me thinking today a little bit further. I don't consider myself qualified to debate about music with musicians but that doesn't mean I don't have any opinions about the subject. The discussion yesterday was about my musical taste and about improvisation and about the "right" way to deliver music to your audience. And oh boy, you people have the wrong image of me if you think that my taste is limited to one music style. Yes, I do admit that my main interest involves mostly rock. But it's not the only type of music I listen to.

But to the point. I had one wish for the star of the yesterday's gig. I'd be happy if I'd get at least one song played and sung correctly from start to finish. The thing is that he prefers improvisation to the bottoms of his heart. But I don't think one thing rules out the other. I believe that the better you know and understand the original version of the song, the better you've learned to play it the original way, then that much easier it is to improvise and the better the end result. One does not necessarily need a folder filled with lyrics and chords on a gig but a set list does help without a doubt. And a set list can be planned loosely enough that there's room for that improvisation. The set list works like a spine: it keeps you up and going but it also allows you to do much more than just that. When you get those blank moments when you don't have any idea what to play, you'll just take a look to that set list and you're back on track again. Even with the set list one can fullfill wishes from the audience or play a song that suddenly pops into your head. The set list isn't the law, you can leave some songs out of it and add others. And the set list gives some sort of structure to the gig, so that one doesn't play just one type of music but can successfully mix different types of music. Mix it in a way that answers better to the expectations of the audience.

Improvisation is a good thing but to make it really work takes a lot of training. Let's think about acting for example. Sure, I could improvise a Shakespeare play, base it to the movies or theater plays I've seen of it. But knowing the original play, reading it and making notes of it would make my improvisation so much better. At least that's what I believe.

But with this said, the gig last night was good and I was having a great time. :)

Oh happy day..

Had a special day today.

I met a friend and he made my smile come back. It's always awesome to meet amazing, wonderful people in person, face to face. It was just what I needed, just that little moment, talking, laughing, being myself..

Thanks for giving that little moment to me.. means a lot. Love you, biatch. ;)

And to top of that perfect "date", I got it!! One ticket to Hardcore Superstar gig in Turku. One fifth of a dream will be true. (And hopefully I can talk you over to that gig. No pressure, I promise. Just good friends, maybe a couple of beers and great music.)

I have a dream..

If only I had extra money, I'd get myself that pro-style digital camera and follow Hardcore Superstar on their Finland leg of the tour in December, taking photographs, maybe getting to know them and have a blast.. maybe get some name for myself as a photographer and make a career out of it.. five nights, five cities, five gigs..

But being the poor bastard I am, I guess this remains only a dream...

Don't feel like...

...sleeping alone. So I'll stay awake.

It's hard..

..not to say it out loud.
But you said I can't do it to you.
And I shouldn't.
But I do..

Greatful.

Here I sit once again in awe.. wondering what did I do to deserve you two in my life. And feeling thankful of it. I guess I would be a total mess without you two..

J, you've been there a long time. You know more about me than anyone else (except maybe my little sister) and there's no friend I'll trust like I trust you. You've listened every story I've had to tell about my life, no matter happy or sad, no matter how twisted. I just hope I've been at least partially as good friend to you what you have been for me. And I hope you all the good in life because it is definitely what you deserve. You have earned it at least a thousand times by being kind and warm and by opening your huge heart for an outcast like me. You've made me laugh when all I felt like was crying and you've brought happy tears to my eyes when I thought nothing could touch my soul anymore.. I'm not sure if I can ever pay you back all the support you've given to me but I'm sure as Hell ;) gonna try my best.

A. We never really knew each other before and I guess we still have a lot of work to do on that.. but I am glad that you are a part of my life today. You are THE best friend of my most trusted friend, so I don't see any reason why I shouldn't trust you as well. You speak very little but when you do.. with just a few words you say more than some people say during their entire life. And you actually mean every word you say. You promise something and you keep it. And you promise a favour without asking what the favour is.. One just gotta respect that. And the sparkle in your eyes and the passion in your voice when the talking turns to music.. blind and deaf is the one who can't notice it. And it feels good to share that passion with someone who gets it without explaining (doesn't it?!).. I really do hope we'll be sharing many of those talks in the future. And hopefully not only about music.. :)

Damn I love you guys.

The big deal

It never stops to amaze me how happy other people can make you.. I can barely understand this overwhelming happiness that comes from having those certain people in my life.. The little things: the person you thought dislikes you opening up and talking and talking and talking, hugs and smiles, little compliments hidden in a sentence, a friend giving you the ride home, sharing a music experience with someone that understands and feels it the same way you do, that right person online just when you need and miss him/her the most..

I can't stop smiling.

Gimme the beat boys..

Gig on Friday was great and Ville Tuomi was fantastic.. but.. no matter what, my heart beats along with the bass..

Uncle Kracker - Drift Away

Ok then..?!?

Uummmm... what the fuck? What happened there?
I thought we were cool..
but apparently we're not..?!?

You R so good..

Me: "Missed you today.."
He: "Today? I've been gone for a week..!"
Me: " Yeah but... <3"

Laughing out loud by myself.. gotta love these men.. :D

Feeling..

..privileged and honoured. :)

I was born as a dragon rider.

Got a new tattoo yesterday.
Design and tattoo by Nouzka, a dear friend of mine.

The star I know you are..

Loved to see you smile on Friday.. :)

Honesty hurts

Honesty hurts
but I take pleasure from the pain
because I know
there is something to gain.

It ain't money, it ain't materia.
Becoming a better person
is the main criteria.

Burst it all out,
hate, resentment and jealousy.
I'll get over it,
how 'bout you? I guess we will see.

I find positivity
in my own honesty
while you become, antisocial,
your own casualty.

It ain't money, it ain't materia.
Becoming a better person
is the only criteria.

Assuming

Just today I read an old saying from a book written by Nikki Sixx. "Don't assume, because you make an ass out of u and me." I'd love to say I don't ever assume anything, but I do. I do not assume that much of other people as I assume of myself, though, and of my life. Even today, after reading those wise words and kinda sucking the wisdom of them into me, I assume certain things. I assume I'll never get the man that I love. I assume I'll never have kid(s) of my own (And I so DO want, at least one, or two..). I assume I'll never be that wealthy that money isn't an obstacle between me and my creativity or an obstacle for me exploring the world the way I'd love to. I assume I'll never make it to the top of that mountain, I'll just keep taking one step forward and sliding two steps back...

When does this kind of assuming become an obstacle itself? When does the negativity stop one even wanting to try anything? I've assumed things previously as well. I've assumed that I love this and that person for the rest of my days. I've assumed I'll never love again. I've assumed nobody ever loves me. I've assumed I'll never be accepted as I am. And I still do assume that every new person I meet ends up hurting me one way or another. But god, how I've loved to admit it every time that I've assumed wrong!! I've been letting go of people that weren't there for me and I've learned that I can fall in love again. And I've been loved in so many ways I didn't even imagine possible. I've been surprised to find out that everybody doesn't have a hidden agenda when they want to get to know me..

So what do I do? I keep on working with the assuming. And boy, do I hope that even in the future I'll find out I've assumed wrong!!!

You can' t live with them..

..and you surely can't live without them. Men. No matter who they are, father, brother, nephew, friend or lover. Just when you least expect it they'll make you smile and laugh and giggle like never before.

pic: http://www.ponandzi.com/

Don't you just hate it..?

When people don't get the hints.. when they just stick with you all the time, all the places, listen all the discussions and take over your friends just when all you'd like to do is to have a one-on-one moment with those people that matter the world to you. They're like bandages glued to your skin. You know that it's time to let the wound breath a little but ripping off the bandage hurts like hell. It doesn't really matter whether you do it fast or slow, it hurts anyway. It is like that with those people-bandages as well: either you'll try to be nice and give little hints or you'll tell it directly to them. If they would only get those little hints, but nooooooo.. One way or the other you'll end up hurting their feelings even if you don't want to. Which is bad because those bandages might be great friends as well. And you don't want your friends to feel hurt, right?!

You know you do

No matter what it takes..

I was listening Mondo Bizarro's song My Funeral Day and made a decision. I will make one of my dreams come true before I turn 35.. no matter what it takes.

Three years on me to execute project HoH.. ;)

One of these days

Some people just have that calming effect.. no need for words, it's enough to see that they are online, hanging there in the background. Being able to read their name on the screen makes one smile. Simply got to love that.

And the other ones.. to whom you can just burst out all of your thoughts, good and bad. And they always manage to say the right words. And just letting you put those words out there they calm your upwired nerves. Friends like that should be (and ARE) valued way up high.

Letters with L

People often seem to think they know each others.. mainly that can be even the truth. But sometimes it's fun to reveal something that people don't have a clue of..

This is my confession...

I write letters. Those old fashioned pieces of paper stuffed in an envelope. I write letters basically to every people I consider close to me. I write letters about anything and everything, letters telling I miss you, letters about my goals, about my ambitions, letters with a lot of "I love you's", love letters even.. Sometimes it's just a little note stuffed in an envelope with the name on it, sometimes many pages of wandering thoughts written in the middle of the night.. Some of you might now think that you haven't got any of those letters.. That's true. I write letters that I'll never send.. You'll probably see them first after my death.. (There's a mission to my sister or brothers, try to find all the rightful owners of those letters after I've passed, hahaa..)

So, still think you know me..? Still got some surprises up my sleeve.. ;)

Some do, some don't, I might

Naughty or nice?
You can guess
once or twice.
I'm definitely more
on the devil's side..

Ties that bind

All the good ones are taken already...

Riot for everyone/No to censorship

The thing is: Facebook deleted the picture below from Nikki Sixx fanpage in Facebook because they find it offensive/pornographic. Yet Facebook lets teenagers have profile pictures that are more revealing, pictures that are meant to be sexual.

The fans of Nikki Sixx took the matter to their own and started changing their Facebook profile pictures to the cover of the single. As they see it, this picture is a work of art and it shouldn't be censored. More than that, it is also a statement of us all being equal and beautiful no matter what we look like on the outside. The message is simple and it is best told in the new Sixx AM video. Beauty can be found in odd places.

Not only changing their profile pictures in Facebook, fans have spread the word all over the internet and the revolution can be seen also in Twitter. The pictures by Nikki Sixx are provoking, no doubt about that. But there's also some rough beauty in them. And besides, isn't art supposed to be provoking? Isn't it a good thing that it starts discussion about things that are wrong in this world? After having so many wars and riots so that we can have the freedom of speech and the freedom of expressing ourselves our own way, are we going to give up on that freedom just because Facebook (or any other company) tells us? Are we letting them to define what is art and what isn't? I don't think so..

And it seems like I'm not alone thinking like that.

More about the subject can be read also from Nikki Sixx vs. Facebook

Isn't it ironic?

About two years ago my life seemed to be nothing but a huge mess. I was nearly breaking down, almost felt like having a burn-out. I made quite a big sacrifice back then and left a bunch of people behind, some of them really important to me and some who didn't mean a thing to me at the end of the day. And I survived, I got back on my feet and took a grip of my life again.

Lately, I've felt tired and fed up again. To put it nicely, I can't really say I like my job. Certain moments just seem to remind me of the things I'm missing in my life. And see what happens? One by one, those people I left behind are coming back to me, those who meant something to me already back then and still do today. And little by little I notice I'm a survivor once again. The sun is shining between the clouds and the wind is slowly blowing those clouds aside. Today, I am tired but I can't stop smiling.

"..Life has a funny way helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong.." :)

Disconnect?

It seems so pointless to me.. You told me how wonderful it is that I'm taking things the way I do, when I said that we'll be friends again like we used to be: we'd laugh to silly things that others don't get, we'd talk about pretty much everything and you'd be my midnight therapist.. And then.. after telling me that, you broke the connection. No communication at all. Not at all. Not in any way.

Why is that? Were you falling for me? Was I supposed to shed a tear for you? Do I even want to know? Or should I just let this go?

Whatever the reason, I'm missing you, my friend.. my partner in crime.

Time Bomb

Been feeling tired, like a ragdoll.. waiting for something... Hoping to get a grip of things again. Lack of money and equipment standing between me and my inpiration.. desperately needing a vacation.. as far away as possible. Need to see new faces, meeting new people, craving for sun and warm weather..

At least something makes me smile and feel good.. if only for a moment.

Methods of Mayhem - Time Bomb