Am I the next big thing?!?

I write like
J. K. Rowling

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

Connect the dots

Just watched a National Geographic program Earth from Space and it got me thinking...If everything is linked together... then everything I've ever said and done, mistakes and all, has lead me to this point where I am happily together with the person taking a nap on the couch next room. And being in the happy situation I am at the moment how can I even think that I've done any mistakes.. since they were leading me to the right place at the right time all along. (And what about butterfly effect then..?!)

Celebrated our six months together on Saturday. :)

The hand I have to hold as I grow old..

Time flies by. It seems like yesterday yet it has been 3 months together with him. <3
Staind - Tangled Up In You

Double-auntie

The circle of dearest and nearest grew with one since my little sister gave birth to a little girl. I'm a double-aunt now. :)

"..you say it best when you say nothing at all.."

His actions speak louder than words.. Love. I'm overwhelmed.

What the world needs now..

Gotta write it down since the feeling grew up so strong on this weekend:
I'M IN LOVE.
The weekend was filled with laughter, great friends and music. And as usual when having a good time the weekend passed by way too fast..

From rejection 2 success?!

As I wrote in my previous update, I've been lately surrounded with extremely positive people. Although I find their positive attitude helping and refreshing there's one thing I realized today as I was reading a book by Robert T. Kiyosaki and Sharon L. Lechter. One thing I need to do myself.

I pretty much hate being rejected when I think I'm right. I'm actually afraid of being rejected. Don't we all, in one way or another? And I'm a person who's not afraid of anything, or so I thought. I've had excuses like "I don't like talking with people on the phone", "I don't like selling" or "We don't have anything in common to talk about". Ofcourse there is the fact that I have this speech disorder, I can't pronounce the letter "R" that well. But when I came to thinking of it today, I came to conclusion that it shouldn't be that big of a problem. I've had this speech disorder for 33 years already and I've become pretty much a master in avoiding that certain letter when talking. So it's more of an excuse than an obstacle. It's an excuse to avoid the thing I'm really afraid of, rejection. It's been an excuse not be the first one to say "I love you" ("Minä rakastan sinua" in Finnish.), it's been an excuse not to take care of things over the phone etc..

Let me tell you a little secret. I'm going to get over it. I've already started with it, without even realizing it myself. I've told him those three little words, many times in fact. And he didn't reject me because of it. He hasn't said those words to me (yet) but I'm ok with it. It just means that he's not quite there yet. I'm just being happy (and extremely lucky I think) that I've found one individual who doesn't get scared of hearing those words from me. I was scared to say those words, that I can admit. I pretty much thought that me saying those words first might be the end of our relationship. But I believe I've got a little risk-taker built in me and I took my chances. He laughed at me when I said it the first time. He laughed because I asked if he could promise me that he won't get scared if I say what's on my mind. Well, he didn't promise that to me but said afterwards that he doesn't get scared that easily. Since that night, I've been more brave and he always reacts in the best of ways to me saying those words.

So yes, being afraid of rejection is normal. But if people can beat their fears one way or another, it might surprise one, how things turn out. I can honestly say that this relationship is the most grown-up relationship I've ever had. And I believe that as long as we can talk about this kind of things, we'll be just fine. My advice?? First of all: talk, talk and talk. Second: face your fears, take the risk. You might fail or get rejected, but you'll learn from the experience if you want to. As my Alter Bridge tattoo on my right arm says: THE RISK IS WORTH THE GAIN.

Little big words of wisdom..

I've been lately hanging with extremely positive people and what I've noticed it has definitely changed me. In a good way.. These people have been teaching the important thing that one should not think for other people. I've written before about assuming, about how we assume some things are inevitable, how our life, relationships with others, our feelings are about to be in the future. This is one of those assuming things again. We assume other people think this and that. And we shouldn' t. We don't really know how others feel and think unless we ask them, talk with them about things.

For example just the other night I was lying awake in bed, next to my man. and I was thinking that he's probably all fed up with me already because of me hanging in his apartment all the time. Those thoughts created nothing but sadness in me. But luckily I've been spending time with those certain positive people and I've always been a firm believer of talking things through. So I spoke with him about what I've been thinking and he promised to tell me whenever he needs the time on his own, when I should spend more time away, at home or with my own friends. It took the weight off of my heart. And just today morning he said he wishes he could stay in sleeping next to me and that luckily we'll get next to each other again at the evening. You probably guess that it felt pretty damn good to hear such things from him.

I guess all I'm trying to say is, that I was overthinking things instead of asking him and it made me feel sad. So one should stay positive and talk with people instead of assuming they think this or that. And sometimes we might be positively surprised. :)

Always look at the bright side of life..

Little news that are big to me: my number two toothbrush moved to another address.. :)

Sick and pale but strangely alive

Sick but happy.

Manic Monday

I could say that yesterday the sun was really shining to me. The force was with me. And whatever positive saying you can come up to, it'll suit my Monday. To keep it short: I had a sleep-over with one special individual on Sunday. That alone would have been enough to keep me smiling for days, but it seems Monday had other plans for me. So I got home on Monday morning and went to a job interview I had arranged on Friday. And in the afternoon I got a phone call that I got the job. So it was a great Monday. I must admit I'm a bit baffled about the fact that lady luck is smiling to me like this. But I'm not complaining, I'll enjoy every minute of this all. Hope you'll have a great day as well!!

http://www.ponandzi.com

"Close your eyes / And just hear me sing.."

A week ago I met one special individual.
A memory of this special individual made me smile tonight.
I'm listening to the song he sang for me, over and over again.
And smiling more because of the image of him singing it.
I hope we will meet again.
Soon.

Right here, right now

I'm utterly happy.

Damn those little things..

There were some pictures.. and that guy in Titanic, wearing that "Watchmen"-t-shirt.. and here I am, missing you..

"..There is the beauty that some can behold.."

I've taken a couple new tattoos on my right arm. In December I took a text from Alter Bridge song Ties That Bind. The text "The risk is worth the gain" has many meanings to me (not going to explain any of them, you readers can understand it any way that suits you). Latest tattoo I took about three weeks ago, a picture of Nikki Sixx. It also has some deeper meanings, I can assure you I didn't take it because he's Nikki Sixx from Mötley Crüe. The picture is taken from the front cover of Heroin Diaries. It's all about having the positive attitude no matter what kind of obstacles life brings. You may be down but if you're at the bottom, there's only one direction, up. If you're open minded enough you'll see that there's beauty everywhere, even in misery. There's a reason to every fight that life puts us go through and life won't put us through more than we can bear. We'll grow stronger by every obstacle we beat, we'll get closer to our goals. Our destiny is in our own hands, it's not something that just happends. And then there's ofcourse a hint about choosing you're addiction and choosing it wisely. Mine (and Nikki's as well): photography and music. Not necessarily in that order. :)

So long burnout..

.. and welcome new, interesting challenges.

When the going gets tough..

..it's wonderful to realize how great friends I have. Love you all!!

Not the devil you think

You keep pushing me away.. but I'm not going anywhere.

Misery business

You got scared after my confession, didn't you.. Even though I told you that I realize I don't stand a chance with you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Even if it would happen with someone else instead of me. I believed in you. I believed that you could handle the truth. We've gone through so much together that I wasn't ready to give up on our friendship. We've laughed together, cried together, talked for hours, we have slept together.. But it seems like it didn't mean as much to you as it does for me.

Even though you seem like a million miles away right now (although living almost next door to me), I have no regrets. I know I've made a few mistakes but at least I was honest. And besides, you are My Favorite Mistake.

Doomed and Gloomed

Lost my love, my best friend.. and my appetite.

Quotes from genious a.k.a... Me!!

"Music never lets me down. People do."

Tesla - What You Give

If only..

If only I could
take away your pain
I would.
If only I could
mend your heart
I would.
If only you would
really see me
I could..