Wish it was Christmas..

Countdown: 5 days equals 30 hours. End result is unemployed?? It might well be this way for me. Nobody seems to know yet, at least that´s what they keep telling at my job. I´m not going to be the only one left without job but still.. this situation pisses me off. It pisses me off that they´ve let this go on ´til the last minute and they still don´t have anything to tell, it pisses me off that so far I´ve been well able to pay back my student loan, my rent, phone, I´ve bought myself with MY own money all that I´ve needed: computer, printer, bicycle, food, phones etc. And don´t get me wrong, I´m not saying that money makes me happy (or anyone else for that matter) but it sure makes things easier. And life may become more difficult after five days for me.. you guessed right, IT PISSES ME OFF. And this may be the worst moment ever to end up without work when everywhere, everybody is talking about the great depression.. No matter that I´m a hard working and trustworthy.. (I do more than my own share.)

And like that´s not enough. I turned 30 this year. Lets face it: I´m not getting any younger. Everybody expects me to have children soon, it doesn´t really matter that there´s no man in my life worthy enough to be the father for my kids.. There´s no man that fits to my demands.. And it´s not too much I wait from my future-to-be-husband-and-father-to-my-kids; all I expect from the man of my life is that he knows what he wants, he takes what he wants.. and he wants me. I don´t expect anything more that I´m ready to give back.. but I´m giving all of myself when it comes to that point.

So.. in my deepest blue I wish it was Christmas. Peace and quiet on earth, warm loving people around me and no worries about the future, whatever it may bring..